79: How to Feel Safe Being Visible Online (Even When It Feels Scary AF) with Renee Dalo
If you’ve ever felt like showing up on camera or taking the stage was just too much, today’s episode is going to light a fire under you.
I’m joined by the incredible Renee Dalo, founder of Moxie Bright Events, keynote speaker, coach, and all-around powerhouse who knows a thing or two about creating bold visibility. Renee went from actor to wedding planner to international speaker, and she’s sharing the exact mindset shifts and practical tips that have helped her speak with confidence, own her voice, and leverage visibility as a tool for massive growth.
We talk about:
The journey from “waiting to be chosen” to choosing yourself
How to overcome fear and self-consciousness when showing up online
Why visibility is an act of service
Practical tips to start creating Reels and showing up on Stories with confidence
The truth about trolls, criticism, and owning your brilliance unapologetically
This conversation is raw, funny, and packed with gold nuggets that will help you step into your power, whether that’s on Instagram, on stage, or anywhere you’re called to shine.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
[02:14] Renee’s pivot from acting to wedding planning and the fearless leap into entrepreneurship
[05:08] The moment Renee first spoke publicly and realized the power of visibility
[08:02] How Renee’s speaking style evolved and why authenticity beats perfection every time
[14:28] Why Renee loves social media as a storytelling playground and connection tool
[20:16] The biggest confidence blockers holding people back on Instagram and beyond
[27:25] How vulnerability creates connection and why sharing scars (not wounds) is key
[32:10] Practical tips for getting comfortable speaking on camera and creating reels
[36:26] Handling online criticism, haters, and staying resilient in your visibility journey
[42:22] Where to find Renee for more inspiration and coaching
Key Takeaways:
Visibility is an act of service; showing up as your real self invites others to do the same.
You don’t have to be perfect; honesty and humor build trust and connection.
Social media is your stage to tell stories, create fun, and attract your people authentically.
Fear of judgment is normal, but you can create boundaries like blocking negative influences and focusing on who you want to serve.
Practice on camera like it’s a FaceTime chat with a friend, then edit and refine as you go.
Claim your wins loudly to inspire others and change the narrative around female leadership and confidence.
Guest Bio:
Renee Dalo is the founder of Moxie Bright Events, a professional keynote speaker, coach, and author with a passion for helping entrepreneurs and creatives find their voice and show up boldly in their businesses. With over a decade in the wedding industry and public speaking circuits worldwide, Renee specializes in visibility coaching and reinvention strategies, supporting clients through transitions and breakthroughs. She’s known for her humor, honesty, and unapologetic approach to empowerment.
Links Mentioned in This Episode:
Follow Renee on Instagram: @reneedalo
Catch her unfiltered content on TikTok: @thereneedalo
Learn more and connect: reneedalo.com
A Truth You Need to Hear:
“Be loud, be honest, be yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable. The people who need your voice are waiting for you to show up.” - Renee Dalo
S3 Ep79 Transcript: How to Feel Safe Being Visible Online (Even When It Feels Scary AF) with Renee Dalo
00:00
Welcome back to the show. I am so thrilled that you have joined me today because I am bringing on the most incredible guest. This woman has been on my dream list of speakers to bring on the pod. I first met her at the wedding MBA in Las Vegas last November. She spoke on the main stage and I remember she wore this like really bright red outfit and I was like, I
00:28
love this woman. Like who is she? She is a total baddie. The person I'm referring to is Renee Dalo. She is the founder of Moxie Bright Events and she is an entrepreneur with over 14 years of experience. She is a coach and a professional sought after keynote speaker.
00:52
Renee is going to be returning to the wedding MBA in 2025 this year. And of course I get to join her there. I'm so thrilled. It's her eighth year. She is also going to be speaking at NAIS. I saw her recently post on Instagram that she spoke for Canva. This woman is in demand and I'm so excited that she is bringing her brilliance to our community.
01:18
Today, we are going to explore visibility, voice, and speaking with confidence at any age or stage in business. So, buckle up, I hope you're ready, and let's dive in.
01:34
Welcome to Strut It, a podcast about creating bold visibility on social media with zero apologies. I'm Elizabeth Marberry, your host and Instagram marketing coach. I help small business owners get seen on Instagram and monetize their offers so they can make more money doing their sole led work. If you're tired of spinning your wheels on Instagram and you're seeking simple, proven Instagram marketing strategies that actually work, you're in the right place.
02:03
Let's dive in.
02:14
Hi Renee, I'm so excited that you have joined me today. Hi, it's so exciting to be here. Yay, okay, so I gave everyone a little background on you, but I would love for you to share a bit about your journey and specifically about how did you go from wedding planner to speaker, coach, and I know you are gonna be publishing a book soon too, right? So how did this all come about?
02:43
Oh my gosh, it feels like a strange journey, but when I take like the wider view, I'm like, oh, this all makes sense. So I suppose I should start by saying that I have been an actor my whole life. I was a professional actor in my twenties and my thirties. And then after I got married is when I decided to be like, you know, I actually think I could be a successful wedding planner here in LA because LA is a huge market. And I got married in Philadelphia. My Philadelphia wedding planner said, I have no idea why you're not doing this professionally. And I was like, well, I'm an actor, but if
03:12
anyone who's listening has ever pursued professional acting and you Elizabeth know this as a professional dancer. At a certain point in your life, when you are pursuing the arts in that way, the lifestyle just comes with a tremendous amount of rejection. I'm very good at being rejected, but also I was tired of not really feeling like I was going to be sound very like my own to my destiny, right? Like I was always waiting to be chosen. And the idea of being an entrepreneur really was like sexy to me because I was like, Oh, I get to choose. I get to choose how I spend my day.
03:43
that's ridiculous and amazing. Let's see what that feels like. And it turns out it feels great. Yes. Which I'm sure you probably feel as well. So when I started my wedding planning business, did I think I was going to become a speaker and an author? No, absolutely not. I'm just the kind of person who goes into something like 300%. So when I decided, okay, I'm not going to act anymore. And I like fired my agents and I mean, I love them, but I was like, okay, I don't want to do this anymore. And I like,
04:09
canceled all my casting notices and stopped getting new headshots. I took all of the energy that I was putting toward the acting career and shoved it into wedding planning. So pretty quickly, I went from like, I'm brand new at this to like, oh, I'm booked out. And other people were asking my opinion and advice. And I thought like, well, what is this? Why does anyone care what I have to say? I'm quote unquote new. But I will tell you this and like I say this and I also want to caveat for anyone listening, like this never happens. I launched my website.
04:39
April 1st, I did my first wedding, April 7th. Oh my goodness. It's wild, it never happens. Nothing ever happens that quickly. Wow. I had to mesh myself in a community of other wedding planners. So someone else got an inquiry, like an SOS, like, oh my God, we need help on Sunday. And they said, well, we're not available, but we know she is because she just started. And I was like, I'll do it. So I met them at a Starbucks, took their money on Sunday, coordinated their wedding. Like, I was fearless in that way. Yeah.
05:08
Because it felt like I got shot out of a cannon. I had to figure out things quickly. I was already in my mid-30s when I started this business. And a couple years later, I got asked to speak at a local event. And that was the first time anyone had ever said, like, hey, do you want to take the stage? I'm not afraid of the stage. I said, what do want me to talk about? And they said, whatever you want. That's kind of delicious. Let me figure out what I want to say to a large group. And then that particular
05:34
speaking event was supposed to be 200 people in a room and it ended up being like 5,000 people on a live stream. What? Yeah, and I didn't know that when I said yes, of course, I was just like, yeah, I'll do it downtown. It's 20 minutes away from my house. Why not? And then the organization that was running it was rising tide when they were new in LA. They said, you know, we're going to live stream it because so many people couldn't get tickets. And it wasn't just me, it was me and a couple of other speakers. And that was the first time that I figured out what visibility could do for a business. So that's like the very short way I can tell you like how it all happened.
06:04
You know, someone had given me this advice when I was brand new as a planner. I was in a room, I was in an educational room and someone else raised their hand and asked the speaker, how do you know when you're ready to speak? And she said kind of cheekily, she said, well, when someone asks. Oh, wow. That is powerful. And then I had that experience several years later, someone asked and I was like, I'm just a say yes and figure it out later kind of person. So I was like, sure. Yeah. What can we do? Yes. Oh my gosh. I so resonate with that story of
06:33
like leaping before you see the net and just being like, I'm gonna figure this out. It's so interesting our common background in the arts, me and dance, you and theater, because I do feel like that's always been one of my superpowers is that I feel like my whole life I trained so hard and when you are an artist, like you said, you get rejected constantly. So you have to have this like fire in your soul to keep.
07:03
going even when you've gotten 40 nos because you're so passionate about pursuing this dream. So I feel like that was really hard. Like it was a hard lifestyle. I love how you were like, I don't want to keep living like this, but I feel like it carries forward into this next phase of life because then when someone does say like, can you do this thing that you've never done before? You're like, heck yeah, I can. Let's go full circle now with the way our businesses
07:32
or sort of run in the public eye. know, like as an entrepreneur, if you had asked me in 2012, would I be making video content daily? I'd be like, no, why would I do that? But now it is part of the way we run our lives and our businesses. And I'm so thankful that I have that background because it has been, I don't want to say easy because I don't think it's easy, but there has been a point of entry for me that I just have some skills that are baked into my body. That's very true. That's very true. And with that being said though, I know that you are no
08:02
amateur speaker. I know that you are a paid speaker. You travel quite a bit. We've spoken at really big, big events. My question is, because I would imagine that you're always refining your craft. How have you found your voice over the years and like kind of how has that shifted? Like what was it like when you were first speaking? And then what is it like now? Oh, that's a good question.
08:30
I think when I started speaking, my whole thing was like, I'm just going to be really honest. I never wanted to be a person that got up on stage and pretended that everything was perfect because as an audience member, I find that extremely off putting. When someone's up there like, everything's beautiful and great. I'm like, I can't relate to you. It feels very inauthentic. Honestly, I stopped listening. When I got that opportunity, that very first opportunity, I was like, well, whatever I say has to be the truth for me in this moment. And I think what has happened over the years,
08:59
is I've actually developed, I mean, I do have a way that I do it, right? I kind of start with a story and I tell a joke and there are kind of things that people expect from me now if they've seen me speak that they think, well, she's gonna be a little funny, she's gonna be a little irreverent, she's probably gonna drop an F-bomb, although not always, it depends on it. I think they know I'm going to be very honest and I'm never gonna get up on stage and be like, well, I'm perfect, but because you guys aren't, let me tell you how to be perfect like me, like that's never gonna be the thing. I think what has happened,
09:28
because I have now 10 years of public speaking experience, is that the audiences I speak to are now very different. When I started, it was mostly wedding pros, it was mostly women, it was pretty much mostly wedding planners, very specifically. like two months ago, I spoke in front of a room that was the people who manufacture tents. Oh, wow. So like two different rooms, one in Arizona, one in Indiana, 95 % men, just all men looking at me like, what is she gonna say? And that was a different experience for me. I've also spoken on stage in
09:57
Fiji and Saint Lucia to audiences that were like Australian, from the UK, Canada. Like you have to think about your audience and really figure out how they need to be communicated to. It's never about the speaker. It is always about the audience. And I think over time I've refined that piece of it a little more. Oh my gosh, absolutely. It's always about refining your messaging to serve.
10:24
the audience and the people who you are, of course, trying to teach from the stage to or inspire or whatever the goal of the talk is. I made a joke about, you know, those blow up things that have the arms that do this? Yes, yes, like the car wash. Yeah, I call that, in my head somehow I call them like the fear, like they just look very scary. And they had one at the first location and then they had one in the second location. And by the time we got to Indiana, he looked kind of deflated. So I tried to make a joke like he was hung over and it did not go well.
10:53
Oh my gosh. They were like, not here for your jokes, little lady. And I was like, great, understood. Let's go. Totally. We're fine. Let's get back to our focus topic. I love it. Yeah. And I think that actually highlights another fantastic point of the best speakers know how to adjust for the room that they're in. Right. So we can all prepare as much as possible.
11:17
but the best speakers are very aware of the energetics of a room. They're aware of how engaged people are or disengaged or loud or quiet. So I just love that you kind of like picked up on that and you're like, okay, cool, that's information. I'm gonna, you know, kind of move on from that versus a more inexperienced speaker might have kind of wanted to just keep trying to get the laugh, right? So I think that's a good example of.
11:43
just modifying, because again, you wanna be of service to your audience. You want it to resonate with them. And in order to do that, you need to be very tuned in and like plugged into them. Well, yeah, and you can't be thinking about yourself. I mean, there's two things, right? I think public speaking and also visibility, social media, that's an act of service. I really don't think of it as like, look at me, look at me.
12:08
But if you're a novice speaker and you're so self-conscious, and I mean that in the literal way, you are too conscious of yourself, right? What am I doing? What's my face doing? What's my hands doing? What's my body look like? Does this outfit look weird? Oh God, something's weird on my back. If you're doing any of those things while you're presenting, you're cooked, you're out because you're too aware of yourself and what you really need to be is aware of them and need to be able to modify in the moment, change things in the moment. Take in the room, right? Like sometimes it's...
12:35
You're in the room and something happens, a sound, a noise. You got to roll with it. You cannot just narrowly stick to whatever you've prepared. Otherwise, again, you're going to lose them. Yeah, yeah. Ooh, that is so good. That is so good. So I love how you kind of brought it back to, you know, 2012. You could never have imagined getting on camera every day and speaking to the camera and all those things. And I so resonate with that. For those of you who are listening, you've heard my story before, but you might be new.
13:05
The first 10 years of growing my brick and mortar dance studio, which is in the wedding industry, it's called Wedding Dance Coach, I didn't use social media. It was all SEO, first page of Google, word of mouth, we were on the knot, all these different resources. But then in the last five years, I really pivoted to SEO and Google was like solid so I could add to my marketing plate. And I went all in on social media marketing and
13:34
It was a whole new world. Instagram was a whole new world and I had to really learn how to market and speak to and serve. I love that you said serve. I always say that too. I'm like, your content should be of service. Sales are of service, right? If you have a product or service that's gonna help your ideal client, it is being of service to provide them that solution that they're looking for, right? So I love that you highlighted that, but.
14:03
same as you were, I could have never thought I was gonna just be on camera all the time. But this is totally the world that we live in and it's such an opportunity. I know we're gonna talk about like the hard part of it, okay, you guys? We're gonna talk about, oh my gosh, I'm terrified to get on camera and no one wants to hear my voice. We're gonna get into that. But Renee, I would love to hear from you. Like what excites you about...
14:28
Instagram or the opportunity that we have as businesses or marketers or creatives that social media really gives us that we didn't have even like six years ago. Okay, I'm probably gonna annoy a lot of people when I say this, but I actually love social media. I love it as a consumer. I love it as a creative person. I love it, you know, especially because I started as a wedding planner. I'm actually winding down my wedding planning business now to focus on, you know, more educational public speaking things, but
14:57
So much of our jobs day to day, no matter what we do, I think sometimes we get stuck to our laptops, right? We're in the emails, we're doing admin, we're doing busy work, and none of that is creative, and none of that fills our soul, and none of that is generative, I think, of what we really do. And so I always think of social media, especially now that video is queen, of like, it is an opportunity to just do something that maybe feels a little silly, maybe feels fun, right? An opportunity to storytell in a new way.
15:27
And I know the way I purchase, know we're supposed to like not be our ideal client, but I am also like, I am chronically online. I am a consumer. So I always want to know who's behind the brand, especially now. I think it's so important to know what people's hearts are, where their ethics are. So before I buy something, and I mean like before I buy a face sponge or before I buy a car, it doesn't matter to me. I'm going to deep dive into the company. And if I am looking at a small company and I can't find the person, it kind of
15:56
It kind of makes me feel like it's scammy, even though it might not be. If there is no person that I can see and get to know and know what they eat for breakfast. I mean, I that sounds so like, would you care? But I do, I actually care. More than I care about how they tell stories, how they view the world. Does our worldview align? If so, it's a sale. And if not, or if I can't find the information, I'm kind of out, you know? Yeah, you know, that's interesting that you said that because, so some of my clients are wedding pros. It's interesting when I
16:26
have a new client and I go, let's say they're a wedding photographer and I go to their Instagram and I'm doing an audit and I look through, okay, you have all these lovely photos and videos, but like, where's the owner? Where is the photographer? Like, I wanna see you. Like, I wanna hear your voice. I wanna know why you started the business. I wanna know why you're passionate about what you do. And for anyone listening Pro Tip, that...
16:52
really helps to increase sales. And of course, you need to be authentic. We are not saying go on your story and just make up, you know, fluff around. Oh, I'm so passionate about this. No, of course. Hopefully you love what you do, or you love elements of what you do. And you can talk about it on camera. But people like to buy from other people, right? It's not that people are buying the products or services they want to connect with the human. And especially in this age of AI.
17:22
it's more important than ever to be a human, to be yourself, to show your face, right? Because I can get on camera and teach you a tip or tell you a story and you're not gonna be able to go and grab that and, you know, make it AI. I mean, I guess you can, but you know what I mean. But I mean, so much of our work is personal. And especially like for me as a coach, I actually coach a lot of other coaches who are getting their businesses started. And the whole coaching world is so
17:52
like murky, right? Yes. I had to coach through Coactive. I went through two years of training and then they go, go coach. And you're like, uh, how do I get a client? So these people come to me and they're like, how do I get a client? I'm like, you need to show us who you are because if I'm going to sign up for three months of a weekly one hour call with you and I have no idea who you are, why would I do that? Totally. need to know who you are. need to know your perspective, whether that's on your perspective on Disneyland, your perspective on a cup of coffee. Like we want to know each other.
18:21
And also I'll say this, and I think this sometimes gets left out of the conversation, but we are now five years past the pandemic. We're isolated in our homes. Some people have never gotten back to the cadence that they had, I know I haven't, of going out all the time. Yeah. We're more looking down on our phones. We need to be meeting people where they are, and right now where they are is on their phones. Wow. That was truth because I just got goosebumps. Whenever I get goosebumps, someone has spoken the truth. It's true though.
18:51
Right now when I want to make dinner, I go to TikTok. Can I say chicken, pasta, lemon? What you got? Totally. I'm looking for recipes now. Totally. mean, like social media is the new Google. It's like you can go and find anything on there. And what I love about it too is that there's no demographic limits. I was in Sedona last year and I'll never forget this. I was on this like hike and it was just so beautiful. And there was these two older couples that were
19:18
I don't know, 60s, 70s, I don't know how old they were, but they were chatting with each other. And one of them was just like, how did you find this like remote cave? Like, cause there was this like secret cave on the hike. And she's like, oh, I saw it on Instagram. And I was like, this is why Instagram is so powerful is marketing 101. You want to hang out where your ideal clients are present, right? And it's a bridge.
19:48
to our ideal people and we just have to be brave enough to show up and show up really imperfectly. And that brings me into what do you see in your clients is really the biggest struggle that they have with Instagram or social media? Oh, Lord. There's so many things, right? There's so many roadblocks and I think you probably see this a lot in your coaching too. I will say like generally it's confidence, right? But I think we can...
20:16
actually chunk that down into smaller bits because I think for some of us, we were conditioned as children to be smaller. I mean, I was a loud child until I wasn't, right? Until puberty when it was like, she's so much. And it took me like a lifetime of adulthood to get back to like who I actually am, which is this person you see here that can't, you know, I like to, yeah. But like when I was a child, it was like, oh, she talks so much. All my report cards said, oh, we can't put her anywhere. She talks to everyone. Meanwhile, my whole career has been talking. So, right. God bless.
20:46
God bless 10 year old me who was like, I'm gonna talk to everyone. We have all these things that are, we're conditioned, right? You're too much, you're too loud, or nobody cares what you have to say, right? Or you're not attractive enough. That's a huge one. Male, female, doesn't matter. There's this perceived thing about like the only people who can take up space are the ones who look like Brad Pitt. Yes. We have all these roadblocks. We can put them under the umbrella of confidence, but I prefer to say what you said earlier, which is where can we tap into our bravery, right? Amen.
21:15
what are the judgments we have in our head about people who? And I say this because I was recently at Disneyland, it was my birthday last weekend, my best friend works for Disney, we went with her, 14 year old, my 14 year old niece, three of us, the girls stayed at Disneyland. So fun. So fun. And you know, there are a lot of Disneyland creators. And we went at rope drop, which is like the very first thing in the morning. So that is when the creators show up because it's less crowded. Oh. My best friend will probably know, she's not in the industry, she won't listen to this, but there was a moment where she went, oh, all these TikTokers.
21:44
because she was kind of an, and I said, I think they're really brave. Yeah. The one setting up a tripod and kind of looking a little, quote unquote, foolish, right? Cringe in public. Yes. And who cares? I am of the opinion that's like, look at how brave this, and one of the women, if we're gonna like talk in, you know, plain terms was probably in her 50s, not a supermodel, not a thin body, right? An average looking.
22:10
and very confidently describing her breakfast on camera with a tripod in front of the castle. Queen! And we walked by her, I made sure she wasn't filming, and I was like, you're doing great. You go, you go. No, because why are we not living our full potential? Yes. Why not? Oh my gosh. Preach. I love this so much. Yes, I know you and I work with a lot of women or people who identify as women and...
22:37
I agree with you, especially as little girls, we have been taught that, you know, oh my gosh, I'm going to pause for a second because I was at an event yesterday in Denver and I was talking to this absolutely stunningly gorgeous woman who's so successful. She runs extremely successful brand in Dallas and Denver. Like she was describing her business to me and I, my job was just on the floor. I was like, you have built.
23:05
the most incredible empire, right? I'm an Instagram marketing coach. So of course she's asking me about Instagram and things like that. And she showed me her profile, her Instagram bio, and she just had her business handle tagged. But I was like, oh, you should say CEO and founder or owner or, because it was literally just tagged in her bio. You wouldn't know. I told her, was like, I wouldn't know that's your company if I don't know you, if I'm a cold lead.
23:33
I would just think, oh, maybe you're a fan of the brand or I don't know. just like, we need to be explicit, right? And she was just like, Elizabeth, that makes me so uncomfortable. And I'm like, what? Claiming that you're the CEO of this company, like girl, you give people jobs. And then we talked about how, especially as women, we have been conditioned to, if we celebrate our wins too loud, it's boastful, right? Like, oh, you're so self-consumed. Oh, this, you're that.
24:02
I am all about unlearning that, right? And allowing ourselves to be seen and to be bold and to be imperfect and to be a human. The people who are able to break through that conditioning, which is so hard, are the people who do get seen, right? There's so many benefits to that for your business, but also, of course, just personally, right? Also, like, that is a muscle. Being your own champion.
24:31
being your own publicist, like that is a muscle. And I'll tell you a short anecdote, and I don't want to get too in the weeds with this, but just something that I know from my own life, many years ago actually now, that I had done a keynote at a conference where there had never been another female keynote in the history of the conference. I figured that out once I got hired and I was like, oh, I'm going to talk about this. So I talked about it on my social and I talked about it in my stories and I talked about it in my email blast. Didn't feel like overkill a little, but I also wanted to prove the point or make the point that like,
25:00
Because I was the first, I should not be the last, right? Yes. I did it. It was successful. The following year, another woman got the opportunity, someone that I'm an acquaintance with. Mm-hmm. I checked in and I said, how did it go? And she said, you know, I just didn't feel very celebrated. And I was like, oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. What happened? And she's like, well, they didn't do any marketing for you. They were talking about you constantly. And I said, no, time out. Oh. I was talking about me constantly. They didn't talk about me at all. You know, they did what they were contracted, obligated to do, but like,
25:30
The hubbub I created. Yep. And I wish she and I had had that conversation before the conference and not after, because I might have been able to change her mindset around it, because in her memory, I was celebrated and she wasn't. I celebrated myself, even though was sometimes deeply uncomfortable and I was sick of it myself. Yeah. But if we don't celebrate ourselves, if we don't call attention to the things that occur, the circumstances that we're under, right? Even if they seem mundane.
26:00
Right? Some people might be like, who cares that you're the first woman in a while? Okay, well, I cared. And I talked about it enough that the person who did it the next year understood the gravity, that it didn't go back to the people that had had it before us. Yes. Oh my gosh. That is so powerful and it's empowering. You're done waiting on others. You get to claim it. You get to use your voice. And when you do that,
26:30
you inspire other people to be more authentically themselves and to show up, you know, bigger. And it is being of service. That's the thing that whenever people are afraid to really embrace their greatness, right, and have that bravery, right, and they're in fear, I always remind them that, of course, this is like your journey of like becoming, you know,
26:56
who you are, right, who you're meant to be on this planet, which is so powerful. And this is for any human listening, by doing that, by really, really connecting with yourself and allowing your vulnerabilities and your weaknesses and your flaws and your behind the scenes mess and your truth and your wins and your fails and all of the things, you inspire other people around you to step more into themselves.
27:25
And I can't even think of a more important mission than that. And I had this from my own experience. When you decide to be more vulnerable publicly, you will get that messaging immediately back to you. This will be a vulnerable story. I never talk about Mother's Day. I try to ignore Mother's Day. My mother and I have not had a relationship in about seven years. We are estranged. And I never talk about it. And Mother's Day comes and I go in my little hole and I'm depressed and I'm in bed and...
27:53
My husband's like, oh, are you okay? What do you want to do? I'm like, nothing. Well, this year I thought I'm kind of sick of that. Like I'm tired of it and maybe I should talk about it. And I journaled about it for weeks before I was like, should I do it? I literally said to myself in my journal, are you doing this just for you? Who is this for? Some family members might see it, but they already know. And I thought, you know what? I'm doing it just in case someone else is having the same not great mother's day. So I sat with my phone on a tripod, Elizabeth.
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When I tell you, I think I talked into the phone for about 15 minutes. I cried, then I was like, stop crying. I ended up editing this really long thing into like a minute. And I posted it. know, if you do that thing where you post and you immediately run away. Yeah. And you barf. Yeah. I kind of paced around the house. My husband's like, what are you doing? I was like, I posted something. Because I thought that like something bad might happen because our nervous system doesn't know the difference between like you're in danger or like you posted something vulnerable.
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When I tell you in minutes, I had someone in the comments being like, thank you for sharing this, me too. And I never talk about it. And every mother's day is horrible for me. And next year, I think I'm gonna talk about it. And this woman's a baker somewhere in the US. I don't know her personally, but she follows me and she had never commented on anything before. She saw in that, listen, my voice was cracking. It wasn't the best, you who cares? But I got it out, right? And what I said in the messaging was just like,
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you're allowed to feel your feelings on this Mother's Day, even if it's an unpopular feeling. And you don't owe anybody your story, but if you're having a rough day, like, yeah, me too. Honestly, it was a huge lesson for me that like, and be more myself. And also now I don't have this big secret that I don't talk about, right? And it felt like freedom. Oh my gosh. My love, I saw that video. did? A lot of people saw that video actually. Of course they did.
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I was very moved by it. Some of my clients have asked me like, Elizabeth, how do you know when it's safe to share something personal? I want to hear your answer because I have one that I go to. Of course you do. So what I tell them is that when you're bleeding out and you're like being swept away in the tidal wave and you're in the trauma and you're in it, like is not generally the time to share. But what I tell them
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is that your body always knows, your body knows. And so my general best practice is that when you feel like you have, it's not that you have like fully moved through it, the grieving process never ends. So it's not like, oh, I had to wait till I was done grieving to talk about it publicly. But for me, what feels right is when I know that I'm in a place where
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maybe I'm not bleeding anymore, I'm like scabbed and I have some clarity in how I can share my story and then how it can help others feel less alone in their journeys. So I would love to hear how you explain it because I feel like I was not very succinct in answering that. I think ours is the same. What I tell people, has to be, it can't be a wound, it has to be a scar. For me, it has to be a lesson, right? I have to have learned something. It doesn't have to be a life change.
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I think the best lessons communicated on social are the bite-sized ones. If you start a video intending to teach 20 things, it's too much. Who has the attention span? We don't. Right. But I also want to caveat that by saying, I only ever talk about my side of something. Make a video about my mother's side of this rift. I never would. That's not my story to tell. So I always ask myself, is it an open wound or is it a scar? And what of this is my story to tell?
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Oh, that's good. I love that. Yeah. And also like if you are going to include a different person's perspective, getting their consent. Sometimes I'll reach out to people if I want to share something that they shared with me and I'll say, I just want to make sure I have your consent. I'm a big fan of asking for consent before sharing. To wrap up, I would love if people are listening and they're like, okay, Renee, I'm pumped. You are like,
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lighting a fire under me, I'm ready to show up more on camera, I want to try, but they're feeling really scared and they don't know where to start, right? Because it's the hardest thing is to get started. So what are some beginning steps or tips that you have for someone who does want to, let's say, get an Instagram stories or do a reel where they're speaking directly to the camera?
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Speaking directly to camera freaks everybody out. I actually find it to be the easiest because I just pretend it's a FaceTime with my best friend. I mean, I just go into that mental place of like, I'm just talking to Sarah. I'm talking to Leah, no big deal. I will say a couple of things. I think we need to, especially if you've been in business for a long time and like you're used to Instagram being like, let me take a photo of this event that I'm at. Let me take a photo of this meal. Stop with the photos and just immediately take video. Like stop taking photos. We can get a photo from a video. You cannot get a video from a photo. So change that mindset immediately.
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So good, I'm sorry, I have to laugh because I literally just told someone this yesterday at the WIPA Denver event. I was like, stop doing photos, start taking videos. Okay, keep going. And then also like, I want to say like practice, practice, practice. Like our phones are an amazing tool. You can just set up your phone and talk to it and just learn about yourself. Learn what your face does. Learn where your eyes go when you're thinking. That sounds like bananas. What are you talking about? Go try it. Because everyone does something. Most of us look down when we're thinking.
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I have trained myself to look up and to the side because I think it looks cuter. Wow. Pro tip. Pro tip. But like learn what your face does so that you know what you don't want it to do. Right? A lot of us when we're trying to think of what's next, we say, uh, right? If you do that in the mirror, your entire face drops. and those of us who are of a certain age don't like a double chin. So don't say, try not to say, uh, or don't do this. Right? Don't hold the camera down below you. Come on. Hold it up. You know what mean? Like these are little things that you're like, it's an authentic. No, it is not.
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And also, I'm gonna say something probably controversial, put a filter on it if you don't like how you look. Who cares? Everyone's doing it. There is no such thing as natural beauty. Like put a filter on. Authentic does not mean unhelped. Like get a little help, put on a little lipstick. Yes. Oh my gosh. These tips are so good. I love the filter suggestion too because I use a filter in my content. I feel good about how I look. Not to be like boastful, but it's not that I'm like, oh, I don't like how I look.
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But here's why I love using a filter is it completely takes away any resistance I have to creating content. I can create content when I get out of bed. I can create content when like it doesn't matter. Like I don't have to have makeup on. But who cares if you don't like it's like freedom for me. So whatever you need to do my beloved listener to reduce the friction so you can make it easier for you. I love this idea of setting up the camera.
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recording it. The coolest thing about this world that we live in, it's so easy to edit these videos down, right? Like you don't have to do it in one take. You don't have to say the thing 75 times. You could do exactly what Renee said where she's like, I spoke for 15 minutes and then I just edited it all down, right? I'm sure it's still, of course it takes time, but yeah, you don't have to get it perfect. I love those tips. Like whatever you need to do to just feel more confident in yourself. And I appreciate the angles tip.
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because so many people hold that camera too low where it's like looking up at them and I'm like, sister, that is not the best angle for us. Like we need it to be like a little above eye level, right? Like how would you describe that? Yeah, no, it is. It's kind of like, I know where my arm needs to be, right? I just figured out what I feel comfortable doing. And like, if you look at my Instagram, most of my talking head videos are quite close to my face. Yes. I'm comfortable with. I like it to look like I'm on a FaceTime with you.
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Like the farther you are from camera, the less immediately interesting it is. And that's just a me thing. Like, you you look at all the Instagram advice out there and they're like, slowly zoom in on your face. Yes and no, do whatever you're comfortable with. But I will say getting more comfortable with your own face in a close way, like you just don't care anymore, right? Like this is my face. This is how I look. I'm 49 years old. This is what it looks like. The more like,
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I don't want to say confident because it isn't like, look great every day. But the more comfortable you are with yourself, the more that will resonate on camera. And then other people will feel comfortable with you. And I'll say this since we're talking about like aesthetics, right? One of the interesting things about my career as a public speaker and now on social media, for some reason people love to comment on me, right? Like very first year I spoke at wedding MBA, I got several emails after the fact that were like, you would be so much prettier if you lost a little weight.
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Oh, no. Oh yeah, it happens all the time. People love, I think there's like a residue of actor about me that they're like, she can take it. Right? And I am not horrified by this anymore. Actually, I won't be getting that. I'm horrified. And my publicist even says it. She's like, people feel way too comfortable commenting on your looks. I'm like, I know, right? I offer that information to say that like, you will survive it. Because like sometimes I'm a little heavy. Sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I'm on the Peloton every day. Sometimes I'm not.
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Sometimes on stage, I wear an outfit that I think looks great and then I see it back later and I'm like, ugh. And there's nothing you can do about it. A couple of weeks ago on TikTok, I made this completely irrelevant TikTok about the shirt I wanted to buy. It was just like, does anyone have this? Because I don't really want to buy it. Is it good? And someone that I do not know commented something about, I don't remember exactly what it was, but it wasn't nice. She's the kind of person that if you ran into her at a party, she'd be spewing self-help comments at you. But it was from a private account with no photo.
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and know the real name. So I looked at the comment and I laughed because I was like, in what universe am I taking this person's? So what I wrote was, I wrote as posted from a private fake account. And then I was like, thanks for the comment. Like thanks for algorithm boost, I guess. What am I supposed to do? Leave the internet and never return because this person thought I was annoying? Okay. That is another thing, right? People are like, oh, I'm too scared of the feedback. You're going to get the feedback. Who cares? Yes. We kind of joke in my coaching programs where I'm like,
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If you're getting trolls, you are getting seen. Let's go, right? Like bring on the trolls. And I also have had those comments about Elizabeth, your head is too big. I hate your feet. Like, I mean, things where I'm just like, oh my God, is my head disproportionate from the size of my body? Like things where you're just like, oh my God. But here's what I always tell people, which is yes, 100%, we're not letting anyone stop us from shining our light no matter what. But number two is,
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Whenever you feel that fear around, oh my gosh, what if someone comments or like, what if my neighbor sees us or what if my uncle sees it or, you know, we all have those people in our brains who are like watching us and we're worried about that. Which by the way, one point in my Instagram career, I did block several family members because every time I would go to post content, I could hear them in my head criticizing me. And I was like, I'm going to get these people out of my head. You know how I'm going to do it? I'm going to take my power back and I'm going to block them. And
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I've never looked back since. But I wanna highlight this one point, which is that if you were in that place, create for that one person that you can help today, that you can serve today and think of that person. Are you gonna let that person suffer? Are you gonna let that person feel alone? Just because of jo29 at underscore yahoo.com.
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Some haters from high school who still live in their hometown who doesn't done anything brave with their life like okay I'm out here living like I'm sorry. I'm gonna post my recipe. I'm gonna post my skincare I'm gonna post whatever I want cuz it's a free country Yeah, and you don't have to consume my content if you don't like it. I'm by and listen I have people blocked too I have people in my own market that I'm like you make me sad. I'm gonna you make me feel bad about myself. I'm gonna block you Yeah, they don't know
40:09
That's another pro tip. Unfollow any account that just makes you feel bad about yourself and it's not on them, right? Like it's just protecting your piece. And sometimes when we're consuming too much of our other people in our industry, it like puts the brakes on our own creativity because then now I'm like, I'm watching Renee's videos and I'm like.
40:29
Well, oh my God, she just said it exactly how I was thinking. And now if I say I'm going to sound like her and like, right, like so much of what Renee has shared in this interview, I'm like, oh my God, I teach this too, right? So then I could get in my head and say, oh my God, now I can't teach that because Renee was saying this in my podcast, right? So you have to just be really careful of what you're consuming because number one, you have to just preserve your creative freedom and that creative flow and energy, right?
40:56
And if you're noticing that, oh my gosh, every time I consume Sally's content, I am frozen. Like I can't go create content. Stop following Sally. Yes. And also let me say this. We all have millions of good ideas. I've literally been sitting on a panel at a conference when the person next to me literally regurgitated something that I said on my podcast. I was like, that was mine. But they claimed it was theirs. So I had to figure out a new answer. I have to remind myself always, like we are all very smart.
41:25
If someone steals your answer, come up with a different one. Most of what people want to hear is what you've, like your lived experience, right? Like we might be saying the same thing, Elizabeth, in theory, but we're saying it from two different viewpoints, two different life experiences, right? And so someone might hear it from you and then be like, oh my God, I've never heard it like that before. And I'm like, I've been saying it for four years, but they needed to hear it from you. And like sometimes it is the message. Yeah, that is so true. That is so true. Oh my goodness. I adore you. This has been...
41:55
Just the absolute best. Can we get like a drink in Vegas together? There'll be a mocktail for me because I don't drink anymore, but yes. We will get mocktails in Vegas because I cannot wait to hang out with you in person. This has just been so fantastic. And I know our listeners are thinking, okay, I love Renee. Where can I go find her, binge her content, stalk her, do all those things? So where do you want us to send them?
42:22
Mostly I hang out on Instagram. I'm at Renee Dallow, but I also am doing unhinged things on TikTok at the Renee Dallow because someone took my handle. So it's the Renee Dallow on TikTok. There's like recipes over there. Like I'm just doing whatever I want over there. Basically. It's hinged. Yeah. It's unhinged. Like one day I'm talking about fashion, the other day it's skincare. I'm doing it. It's like an experiment. I love that. I need an avenue to like, like I said, like how can I be a little more creative? Right. And like, it feels like the place because there's, it's so noisy. Oh yeah. It's a jungle. It is a jungle. I love.
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hanging out in that jungle. You can find me those places. And then my website is at, it's just Renee Dallow, everywhere Renee Dallow. Amazing. You offer, is it group coaching, private coaching? One-on-one coaching for entrepreneurs and creatives. A lot of what I coach about and what we're going to be focusing more at the end of this year is getting people through reinvention process. So because I serve a lot of the wedding community, a lot of wedding pros eventually move on and they don't want to be wedding pros anymore. There's a tipping point where you're like, oh, I've been doing this for 12 years. How do I take
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any of this and make it something else. That's what I specialize in, right? Taking what you've been doing and figuring out like literally what is next. And so, so much of my coaching is about that. And also like we use visibility as a tool. I also think of myself, you know, because of my age, because I'm 49 and I'm loud as hell. Like I just teach visibility as a tool because so many people shy away from it. And much like you Elizabeth, it's like, I have seen
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like nothing but benefits from just being more visible. And so I just want to be louder about that and support people like you and what you're doing because it is a conversation that cannot go away. It has to get louder and bigger and more expensive. Oh, I got chills again. Oh, this is amazing. Well, this has been wonderful. I so appreciate you.
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We will be sure to link all of your resources and all of your handles in the show notes. Everybody, please go give Renee some love. Give her a follow, comment on her stuff. Give her the love because, yes, I'm just so aligned with you and your mission on this planet. And I absolutely love where you're going with your business. So thank you, thank you for this conversation. And I cannot wait to see you in November. It's going to be here before we know it. Like, before we know it, we'll be in Vegas. It'll be great. It's going to be great.
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Thank you for joining us in this conversation around visibility. I agree with what Renee said. There's never been a better time for you to be visible as a human, to step into your power, to serve your people, and to know that the vision that you have for your business and for your life, it is possible. It is here. Renee and I are just sending you love.
45:07
We are cheering you on and I cannot wait to strut it with you next week. Thank you for listening to strut it. If you're ready to start leveraging Instagram to grow your business, then you're gonna wanna grab my free monetize your IG guide where you'll learn seven simple and proven ways to finally make money on Instagram. You can grab your guide at elizabethmarberry.com slash freebies.
45:37
That's ElizabethMarberry.com slash freebies to get my monetize your IG guide. If you got some incredible value from today's episode, be sure to leave a review and subscribe on your favorite podcast platform. And I cannot wait to start it with you again next week.
